Tania was haunted by images from her past. They were like ghosts tormenting her. She found herself unable to sleep.
She had been to a therapist. It helped. But only for a while.
Soon the images came back to haunt her with even more intensity than before. She found herself constantly crying.
She came to see me, and together we created a one session miracle where she learned how to feel peace again and move on with her life.
By reading this article you will learn how to turn grief, sadness and loss into joy.
“That smell, it’s coming from the dead bodies,” said a stranger next to us.
I was standing next to my dad on top of an overpass I had driven through 1000’s of times before. I looked away from him and down at my city. It was dark. It was cold.
The city looked unrecognizable. Katrina had hit a few days before.
They had just opened the city back up, and we were going in to see what was left of our properties.
As we started driving through the city I was in shock. Where there was once life, there was now death. Where there was light, there was now darkness.
It was unbelievable.
I remember standing at the corner of Deerfield and Daniels, where I lived, and making eye contact with a driver who looked at me with disbelief and sadness in his eyes.
But even then in the midst of that chaos, there was calm inside. I realized:
Problems are transient and life goes on. There is immense power in the human spirit. Human beings are incredibly resilient and adaptable.
And it proved to be true.
The smell. The stranger’s face.
Those are memories from the past. They are distant, dark and tiny as if they happened a lifetime ago to someone else.
The world is different since then. The world has moved on. Here’s a current picture of Deerfield and Daniels. I lived in that corner apartment on the second floor next to the tree.
How I think it’s different too. I’ve moved on.
I rarely remember Katrina, but when I do, I have images that fill me with strength. They are the images of spray painted houses saying:
We will rebuild.
These images are bright, big, and alive in me. I’m reminded how immensely resourceful we really are. In the midst of destruction, the human spirit is alive and unbroken.
And when I remember New Orleans, I remember the fun times I had there. Walking Canal Street. Eating crawfish at the lake. Eating beignets at Cafe Du Monde. And so much more. These images are bright, big, and present in me. I sometimes find myself reliving them as if they are happening now.
I went through a process in my head that allowed me to move on, a process anyone can replicate.
The One Session Miracle
When Tania came to see me she didn’t know how to feel joy about the events that happened in her past. She had been trying to move on for over 8 years and things were getting worse.
Together we created a one session miracle. You are about to learn how you can do the same.
I developed my Remembering Life Process, which was highly influence by Steve Andreas’ Resolving Grief process, because I wanted a reliable process to use with clients, who like Tania, wanted to turn grief into joy.
Remembering Life is designed to work under the following condition:
The loss you want to feel differently about has already happened and it is NOT an ongoing event that is currently happening.
For example, you would use Remembering Life if you want to feel differently about the death of a puppy who died a year ago. You wouldn’t use Remembering Life if your puppy is currently in the process of dying.
Remembering Life has two main steps:
1) Being OK with letting go of the grief.
2) Creating a sense of joy that comes from remembering and keeping the good times ALIVE.
Let’s dive into the details of these steps, but first a story…
When I was a little boy my parents bought me some patented leather red and black Jordans. I LOVED those shoes. I still have them.
There was one problem: they didn’t fit.
I knew the shoes weren’t my size when we bought them, but they were the last pair the store had and they were sold out everywhere else (at least they were in my mind), so I told my parents they fit perfectly.
But they didn’t.
In fact, my feet felt miserable inside those shoes. And no matter how much I wanted them to fit, they just didn’t.
I learned that a good fit can’t be forced.
Quality, long lasting change is like that. It can’t be forced. For quality, long lasting change to happen, the attempted solution (what leads to a result), has to to be a good fit.
How to Be Ok With Letting Go of Grief
The processes you are about to learn is meant for people who want to learn how to turn their very own grief into joy. I am going to take you through the exact steps I go through with my clients.
The first goal in Remembering Life is to get you to a place where this belief (or an iteration of this belief) fits:
It is OK to let go of this grief and instead replace it with a sense of joy that comes from remembering this person’s life and keeping their loving memories ALIVE.
Note: This belief doesn’t only apply to a person. You can modify it to apply to a dream, a lost object, a pet, etc.
Let’s get started.
Find somewhere quiet and make sure you have 10 minutes to really ponder this question. If you don’t, stop reading now and come back later.
Is there anything that would stop me from believing that it is OK to let go of this grief and instead replace it with a sense of joy that comes from remembering this person’s life and keeping their loving memories ALIVE?
If the answer is no, then it’s time move on to the next section titled “Creating Joy”.
If the answer is yes, it means you have some objection or set of objections towards letting go of the grief and replacing it with joy. I created the following two audios for those who feel it is time to transform those objections and finally feel ok about letting go of the grief and moving on.
The following audio is meant to help you get to a place where you develop a belief that will make it ok to let go of the grief.
This next audio builds on the belief you developed by listening to the previous audio and helps you make this belief a deep part of your thinking.
If you require a more tailored approach contact me here for help.
The final step in my Remembering Life Process is to experience a sense of joy that stays with you by keeping the good times alive unconsciously.
The following audio will teach you how to keep the good times alive so that joy stays with you.
I recently filmed a session with a client where I took her through a variation of the process you have just gone through. I will be editing the session and releasing it for sale. Click here to be notified when it is ready for release.
As I write this, it’s August 29, 2015. Today is Katrina’s 10 year anniversary. Growing up in New Orleans was such an enriching experience for me. I can’t think of a better way to honor my city than to unconsciously remember the good times when I remember New Orleans.
It is my sincere wish that by reading this article any grief you had, has become like remembering New Orleans is for me…
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